Me, Al, and NRVL bought Warriors season tickets together in
nosebleedland and ever since the season started, I’ve been going to most of the
games and generally wasting lots of time on professional basketball.
So today I was remembering the days when the Warriors
sucked. Call me a fair-weather fan if you want, but damn did they suck. What
compounded everything was the fact that when they didn’t suck – pre-1994 – I
was much too young to really care. I remember the names of Mullin, Richmond,
Webber, Hardaway, the flat top hairdo, the short shorts, but I wasn’t old
enough to care about how the team did or if any of the players was actually
good. I didn’t know what a crossover was. Then in 1994 the franchise fell apart
and I resorted to watching teams that actually won. The Sprewell choking and
the lockout only fueled my disinterest.
But last season, that all changed. The Warriors re-hired Don
Nelson, the last coach to take them to the playoffs. Things were looking up.
But halfway through the season, the Warriors were still irrelevant: mostly
injured, under .500, and looking like a lottery team.
But all of a sudden it happened: The Trade. Two overpaid
white guys went to Indiana in exchange for two
slightly less overpaid black guys coming to Oakland. All of a sudden the Warriors were
the talk of the town. They were fun to watch. Warriors fans became known as the
best, loudest fans in the NBA. They made a playoff run and then completed
arguably the biggest upset in NBA history. Baron put AK47 in his poster. It was
actually exciting to be a Warriors fan. There were probably times during the awful 13 year losing stretch
when I couldn’t name a single Warriors player. But now, I can name all of them!
Watch:
The Starting Five
At Point Guard:  Baron "Boom Dizzle" Davis (yes that's really him)
At Shooting
Guard:  Monta “Mississippi Bullet” Ellis (FYI, this
image is what you get when you type “Mississippi Bullet” into Google search.
They are neither bullets nor do they look like they are from Mississippi.)
At Small Forward:  Stephen “Captain Jack” Jackson (aka Stephen
“I-have-way-too-many-nicknames” Jackson)
At Power Forward:  Al “TMNT” Harrington (could also be Leonardo)
At Center:  Andris “Beans” Biedrins (word on the street is that he has a
ridiculously hot girlfriend)
Off the Bench
 Kelenna “Kabuki” Azubuike
 Matt “Matt Barnes OMG I Love You” Barnes
 Mickael “Air France” Pietrus
 Austin “I don’t have a nickname” Croshere
 C.J. “Quiet Storm” Watson
In Never-Never Land 
Brandan “(If Loving You is Wrong) I Don’t Wanna
B. Wright” Wright
 Marco “Nellie Belly” Belinelli
 Patrick “The Notorious P.O.B.” O’Bryant
 Kosta “Kosta Coast”
Perovic
 Troy “Thud” Hudson
Go Warriors.
| 
